I was diagnosed on the 18th of December 1991 and after hearing the news I went back to my apartment and cried my eyes dry. Fortunately I had a partner at the time and he was of great comfort to me . When I look back at this incident it reminds me of Psalm 130: "Out of the depths I cry to you O LORD . Lord hear my voice! Oh let your ears be attentive to the voice of my pleading".
Where is God in all of this I would say. Of course God was ever present whether I realized it or not in my family, in my friends, in the people of God. For example when I finally got the courage to tell my father his immediate response was "I am with you all the way." Pretty good for an 80 year old Conservative banker!
My G.P. at the time sent me to Dr. Julio Montaner-who I have been seeing for 17 years now. And as my cell count dropped there always seemed to be a new drug on the horizon. I was very fortunate in this regard. One of the drugs I had to take, had to be given by injection. One summer I decided to take a train trip across Canada. Have you ever tried to give yourself a needle on a moving train!
At one point I was taking 52 pills a day (now 32).Doctors appointments, lab appointments took up a lot of my time. Six or seven vials of blood were taken every time I went for blood work which was about every month.
I had never had a life threatening illness. However, one of the drugs I was taking caused me to have a severe case of pancreatitis and I was hospitalized for six weeks. A couple of years ago my doctor thought the end was near. As I look back the Rev. Markus Dünzkofer, rector of St. Paul's where I was serving at the time, knew that something was happening and I was relieved of many of my duties-much to my disgust. I know now that he was trying to protect me. The Holy Spirit of God at work once again.
I was a shadow of my former self. You may remember all the articles in the various newspapers two or three years ago as three of us along with Dr. Montaner fought to get Health Canada to let us use some new experimental drugs that were developed in Belgium and manufactured in the republic of Ireland .
If we did not get these drugs I am afraid we would be vital statistics by now. Well, providence prevailed and the five of us were allowed to go on these drugs. And I am pleased to say that the original five of us are still alive. And thank God there has been expanded access for the drugs.
At this point I must put some theological perspective on this whole scene. In Matthew's Gospel we find these words of Jesus: "Go and tell my brothers (and sisters) that they must leave for Galilee; they will see me there."
I have felt of recent date that Jesus goes before me as he did so long ago. What I now experience He did so many years ago. If one is anchored in Christ through prayer you share in the suffering of Christ, and in that way your suffering doesn't seem all that bad.
One can feel sorry for oneself and sit around and do nothing or one can get involved. In my case even though I am retired I still preach, celebrate Mass, and I am the Sacristan at St.James. Recently I just spent eight weeks at St, Margaret's Cedar Cottage.
The late Pope John Paul II when speaking to people with HIV/AIDS would say: "Do not be afraid" and I can honestly tell you that I am not afraid - God is my refuge and strength.
Have any transit users seen a sign that reads: "Every two hours someone in Canada becomes infected with HIV"?
Lets make it clear right here and now: HIV/AIDS is not a gay disease; it is a disease, a nasty virus that can infect anyone from the highest political figure, down to the drug addict on skid road. Frightening, isn't it?
I was at a wedding a few weeks ago and was talking to someone who said a certain ecclesial community will wake up when everyone in Africa is dead. This particular church has to allow the use of condoms amongst its adherents and the governments of African counties have to make the necessary drugs available.
The drugs are expensive. But it is time that people stopped making a profit out of the drug industry. I myself figure that that drugs provided to me by the Centre for Excellence at St.Pauls amounted to about $30,000.00 a year. Thank goodness we have national health-something that must be protected at all costs.
You know the prophets of old-those who spoke for God had something to say "what I want is mercy, not sacrifice" We can interpret sacrifice as the millions of dollars that the drug companies make at the expense of others.
Dr. Montaner had the following to say at the end of his speech at the AIDS conference in Mexico City. "There can be no end to the pandemic unless we secure full protection of human rights for those most vulnerable to HIV/AIDS. The rights of sex trade workers, injection drug users, men having sex with men, aboriginals, and women and girls must be protected through legal and policy reform in every country around the world".
He went on to say that we still have a long way to go, and he called on all political and religious leaders to make this a reality. "We know what has to be done" he said. "We must strive for universal action now. Anything less would be a crime"
The Vancouver Sun reported him saying it is not acceptable that only rich westerners are benefiting" and "it represents a crime against humanity."
So what can we do about it? Educate and get tested, to put it very simply. Dr. Montaner says the following : "Today, it has a lot more to do with who are the individuals that are failing to access treatment in a timely fashion, or who don't know that they are infected".
The biggest thing is to educate. If you have children who are sexually active, or are sexually active yourself with multiple partners, get tested and take the necessary precautions.
The glossy magazines that sort of intimate that one pill will cure HIV/AIDS are giving false hope. At this point in time there is no cure-yet.
You can get after your MLAs and MPs to do something about it. Write the Prime Minister who seems to have his head in the sand over the whole matter of HIV/AIDS. We are very fortunate here in BC that we have a government that cares and listens. You can contribute to the Primates World Relief and Development Fund.
I could go on much longer. However, I hope I have awakened you to this serious problem by telling you what I have been through and continue to do so and by some facts as scary as they may be and what you can do. Remember what Jesus said in the Parable of the Good Samaritan-Go and do thou likewise.
The Rev. Michael Forshaw serves as an honourary assistant at St. James' Church in Vancouver He has offered to speak of his life with HIV/AIDS to parishes and groups that are interested, and can be reached through St. James' at 604 685-2532.